After Effects
by Unheard Flipper
Summary: The scars of Akuze run deep in Commander John Shepard. Amazing that all it takes for them to rise to the surface is a meeting on Horizon, and a simple message from Akuze's only other survivor.


**After Effects**

_12 hours after Horizon_

Although Garrus Vakarian had been aboard the _Normandy_ SR-2 for a month, it still felt strange. True it was very much like the old _Normandy_, with a few _minor_ upgrades; personally he was very impressed with the main weapon. Twice the fire power, with minimum power drawn form the _Normandy_'s eezo core.

Impressed though he was, Garrus knew it wouldn't be enough. The _Normandy_ would need something with a little more kick, if they were going to try to take on the Collectors, and live to tell about it. For that purpose he had called up an old contact in the turian fleet R and D division. Garrus had heard about some new breakthroughs in weapons tech, and he was working on getting his contact to share. Understandably, Garrus' contact was a little _concerned_, about sharing new weapons technology with anybody who wasn't part of the turian fleet.

If his contact knew who Garrus was really working with...

It was who he was working with, that made the _Normandy_feel strange. True the members of Cerberus who manned the ship hadn't given him any grief, though Mess Sergeant Gardner could be a little cold and stand-offish to him, the rest of the crew wasn't so bad. But Garrus did miss the old Alliance crew, and even some of the non-Alliance crew members.

True, Navigator Pressly had been quite cold at first, and Chief Williams had been suspicious of him. Not accusing him out loud of espionage, but it had been in her posture and voice when ever they spoke in that first month. But that had changed rather quickly after their first ground mission together. Amazing how quickly respect could be earned when you have enemies shooting at you.

And it was amazing how small the galaxy actually was.

Only a day ago, The Illusive Man had contacted Shepard about Horizon, a small colony in the Terminus systems that had just gone dark. Commander Shepard had ordered that they get underway immediately, everything else was put on hold; the colony had to be saved.

Shepard, Garrus, and Operative Lawson had fought their way through scores of the insect like Collectors, and dozens of other abominations. But they were too late. Though they had managed to get the colony's defences online, the Collector ship had managed to escape, taking a third of the colony with it.

Shepard had taken it pretty hard. He didn't like failing, and he didn't like loosing people, and that mechanic Delan, hadn't helped with his accusations. Then Chief Williams had appeared. Shepard had raced forwards and grabbed her in a hug, Garrus had tried to fade away, and not wanting to intrude on what was obviously a very private moment. But then Williams had pushed Shepard away.

_"Is that it? You were gone for two years, and that's it? We had something, Shepard, something real... I... loved you. I thought you were dead. I... I... almost... How could you put me through that? Why... Why didn't you try to contact me, why didn't you let me know you were alive?"_

_Garrus watched as the words visibly shook the Commander. Something urged him to speak up in Shepard's defence, but it wasn't his place. The two of them would have to work it out themselves._

_"Ash... I was dead..." Shepard was obviously struggling with the words, "I didn't want to hurt you, Cerberus spent two years rebuilding me..."_

_Obviously that was the wrong thing to say. Williams eyes widened, as she shook her head, taking several steps back. "You're with Cerberus now? Garrus too? I can't believe the reports were right."_

_Garrus was surprised. "Reports? You mean you already knew?"_

_It was obvious that Williams was struggling not to breakdown emotionally. "Alliance Intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that this one could be next to get hit. I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk. And there were rumours that you weren't dead, worse that you were working for the enemy."_

_"I'm not working for Cerberus!" Shepard snapped. He took a calming breath. "So that's it, the defences were just a cover story, your here to investigate me."_

_"I was sent here to investigate Cerberus." Williams own temper was flaring, "not you. I wanted to believe that you were alive. I just never expected anything like this."_

_Williams cast a glare over Shepard's shoulder at both him and Lawson. _

_"How could you just turn your back on all of us?" She continued, verbally ripping into Shepard, "You betrayed the Alliance. Anderson. You betrayed me."_

_Shepard took a moment to respond. "Ash... you know me..." It almost sounded like pleading to Garrus. "You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself! The Collectors are targeting human colonies. They're working for the Reapers."_

_Williams was silent for a moment, Garrus breathed a sigh of relief, maybe they had gotten through to her. _

_"I'd like to believe you Shepard." Garrus' hopes fell. "But I. Don't. Trust. Cerberus. And it worries me that you do. What did they do to you? What if they're behind it? What if they're the one working with the Collectors?"_

_Now Garrus couldn't hold it in anymore. "Damn it Williams. You're so focused on Cerberus; you can't even see the real threat!"_

_Beside him Miranda nodded in agreement. "Typical Alliance attitude."_

_"I can see you won't listen to reason." Shepard, finally concluded, his voice emotionless._

_Williams matched his icy tone "You turn up after two years and tell me you're working for Cerberus. Sounds like you left reason behind along time ago. It doesn't matter. I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood."_

_They stared at each other for a moment. Then Williams broke the silence. "I'm reporting back to the Citadel. I let them decide if they believe your story."_

_She turned and walked away. _

_"So long Ash." Shepard said as he watched her walk away._

_Williams turned. "Goodbye Shepard. Just... Just try to be careful."_

_Shepard watched as she walked away saying nothing. The silence of the field was oppressive, causing Garrus to shift his weight uncomfortably as he waited. Finally Shepard brought a finger to his COM._

_"Joker. Send the shuttle to come pick us up." His voice bitter, and angry. "I've had enough of this colony"_

When they were back on board, Shepard had left immediately; his anger and bitterness were slow to fade, as he stormed up to his cabin, leaving Garrus and Miranda alone. They had exchanged a worried glance, but were assured that Shepard would be alright. He had after all survived worse. They bid each other a goodnight and left, Miranda to her office and paper work, Garrus to the main gun and his calibrations.

Garrus knew why Williams hated Cerberus. He hated the organization too. Two years ago Garrus had helped Shepard hunt down several Cerberus bases, he had seen some of the sick and twisted experiments they had conducted, but the worst, had to been the mission to the planet Ontarom in the Newton system.

Garrus hadn't been a part of the ground crew to accompany Shepard, Williams had drawn the lucky lot, and Wrex had claimed that his scales were itching and he needed to get out. The last thing that crew had wanted was an anxious krogan on board, and had been unanimous in giving him the second seat.

Several hours later, Shepard had returned angry, literally burning with rage, snapping not to be disturbed before slamming the door to his quarters shut. Even the normally stoic Wrex seemed disgusted by what had transpired, and had walked by him with out a second glance. He had tried to ask what had happened, but no one was saying anything. Finally Williams had told Garrus not to ask, and told him that Shepard had discovered something about his old unit and Akuze.

Garrus had wisely dropped the subject.

He shook his head. It didn't matter anymore, it wasn't important. What was important was that Cerberus was the only one doing anything, and was ready to throw vast amounts of money and resources to see the mission done. That was what important.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door to the main battery.

"Garrus? I know you're in there open up."

Stretching his back he unlocked the door. The doors snapped open, revealing the lithe, athletic, and shadowy form of the _Normand_y's resident thief, Kasumi Goto.

"Garrus, what the hell is up with Shep? What the hell happened on that colony?"

Garrus' mandibles twitched in surprise. Kasumi was usually not this abrasive. "He ran into an old team mate of ours, Ashley Williams down there. The meeting didn't go so well. Williams really laid into accusing him of betraying the Alliance, Anderson, and practically everybody else. Why? What's wrong?"

Kasumi rubbed her hands together. "I was heading back to my room from the mess hall, and when I got there the door was locked. Thinking that I had just accidentally locked my self out, I overrode it and walked in."

Kasumi paused, as she began to pace the room. "So what happened?" Garrus asked.

She took a calming breath, "I walked in, and noticed Shepard sitting at the bar, so I said 'Hey Shepard, I was just thinking about you.' He didn't even turn around; all he did was yell, 'get out!'"

Garrus felt his mandibles twitch again. Shepard never acted like that; he had always been a calm, compassionate man, who rarely lost his temper. In fact Garrus could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Shepard angry. "So what did you do?"

Kasumi shrugged. "I asked if he was alright, and he yelled, get out. I walked towards him, and asked what's wrong." Kasumi stopped pacing, and took a shuddering breath. "And Shepard turned around to face me. His eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of booze, and he had a gun in his right hand. Shepard then pointed it at the door, and yelled to get the fuck out."

Garrus groaned. "Damn it, Williams! This is your fault. Okay Kasumi, I'll talk to him. You just stay here."

"But..." Kasumi began to protest.

Garrus gave her a turian smile. "Don't worry. I'll put my shields on. If he starts shooting I'll get out of there."

"I was about to ask about my stuff. Some of that is really valuable, and took a lot of effort to steal."

Garrus snorted as he ran down the hall. "I'm touched by your concern." He yelled back to her.

Had Williams' chewing him out really have this bad of an effect on him?

The door to the lounge was locked. Garrus sighed irritably as he pounded on the door, and called out. "Shepard! It's Garrus. Open up. I know you're in there."

Nothing.

Garrus pounded on the door again. "Come on Shepard. Open up. I want to talk to you."

Again, nothing.

Garrus cursed, as he slammed his fist against the unyielding door. "Damn it Shepard! What the hell are you thinking? Open up!"

"Garrus! What the hell is that racket?"

He spun around to find Operative Miranda Lawson standing behind him, annoyed look on her face, and bags under eyes. It was obvious that she had just woken up, from the racket that he was causing.

"I'm sorry Lawson. But Shepard's locked himself in the lounge, I don't know how long his been in there for, and I don't know what he's doing in there. All I know is that he's angry enough to threaten Kasumi with a gun, and he's not answering me."

One of Lawson arched an eyebrow. "So why are you pounding on the door, and not simply asking EDI to open it for you?"

Garrus was silent for a moment. "I guess I didn't think about it."

Lawson shook her head. "EDI, disengage the lock on the lounge door."

"Affirmative, Operative Lawson, lock disengaged." Came the disembodied voice of the _Normandy_'s AI.

The door opened, and both Garrus and Lawson moved in, slowly. The room was dimly lit. The window that provided a breath taking view of the passing stars was sealed shut. The stench of booze, stale sweat, and the acidic tang of cigarette smoke hung heavily in the air.

Lieutenant Commander John Shepard, Captain of the _Normandy_, Saviour of the Citadel, and first ever human SpecTRe sat at the bar staring at a data pad in front of him. His left hand holding a lit cigarette, lightly between two fingers, his right held a half empty glass of a dark, amber liquid. A tray overflowing of stubbed out cigarette butts, lay next to half empty bottle. Beside that lay the Commander's trusty Carnifex pistol, Garrus had no idea if it was loaded or not, and he didn't want to have to find out.

He took a steadying breath. "Shepard..."

Shepard cut him off "Get out."

"Commander..." Lawson tried next.

She received the same treatment. "I said get out."

Garrus had, by now, enough. This wasn't the Commander he knew and respected. This was not the Commander who had saved the _Destiny __Ascension_. This was not the soldier who he had come to respect as a mentor.

"Or what Shepard? You going to point that gun at us too? Like you did to Kasumi? Snap out of it!"

Shepard was silent for a moment, as he took a drag on his cigarette, before grinding the glowing butt into the tray."

"Garrus. I said get out."

"Is about what Ashley Williams said?" Lawson asked, "Williams was wrong. She was wrong about Cerberus, and she didn't want to see the truth that we are needed, and that we are the only ones out their fighting because the Alliance and the Council wish to ignore the threat we all know is coming! And if this is how you act because your ex-girlfriend doesn't believe you, then you are not the man, or the leader we thought you were!"

Again the room fell quite. Seconds ticked past as Shepard sat on the bar stool, staring into his drink. Finally he moved, draining the glass in a single gulp. Setting the glass down he turned to face them. Even in the dim light Garrus could tell Shepard looked like shit. His cloths were wrinkled and dishevelled, his blue eyes were blurry, and bloodshot, and he reeked of booze, sweat, and smoke.

"You actually think that's what this is about?" Shepard chuckled.

"Isn't?" Garrus asked wearily ready to move if Shepard went for the gun.

Shepard shrugged. "Partly I guess. I'm pissed after all we've been through she doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt. But what infuriates me even more, is the fact she's plenty of valid points, and was right on some of them."

Garrus shook his head. "We're the only ones out here doing anything about it. What has the Alliance or Council done? Nothing."

Shepard shrugged again. "Yes, but that doesn't make her points any less valid, or make them wrong. Think Garrus, think. I'm trusting Cerberus, I'm working with Cerberus. It would seem like treason to me too if I was them. And besides Cerberus seems like a more immediate threat to Council Space, then the Collectors right now."

Lawson chose to make herself heard. "Shepard, look at what we're doing, we're saving human lives out here. Cerberus is the only thing protecting humanity and humanity's interest right now."

Shepard laughed coldly as he reached for the bottle. "Protecting? Is that what you call it? I'm pretty sure that the one hundred and fifty people on Chasca who were turned, by Cerberus, into Husk felt pretty protected. But maybe I'm wrong, because I'm sure that turning people into synthetic zombies is the kind of advancement we're looking for."

Shepard was getting angry. It was obvious to Garrus, that something else was bothering him. As angry as his conversation with Williams, had made him there was something more, just below the surface.

"Or how about Admiral Kahoku? All he was doing was investigating his missing men, and what happened? They were sent right onto a Thresher nest, just for investigating a man named Banes. And what happened to Kahoku? Cerberus killed, injected his body with so much fucked up shit, its no wonder none of the Rachni didn't eat his corpse."

Shepard was panting now, his knuckles were white around the neck of the bottle, and Garrus could see him shaking.

"And what about Company Hotel's third platoon, of the 101st Alliance Marine Regiment? Hmmm? What do you know about them? How did Cerberus help protect them? Huh?"

Lawson was visibly taken back. "Shepard... I..."

"I'll tell you how you helped us. You helped us by drawing the Thresher maws in. You helped us by watching as one, by one, as unit of fifty men, MY unit of fifty men, were dragged underground, burned and melted alive by acid, or just snapped up and eaten. Just imagine it Miranda, all around you hear YOUR men screaming to you, asking for orders, pleading for aid, and you can't do anything! Your bullets just annoy the creatures; grenades do little more then piss them off."

Shepard was staring off into the gloom of the lounge; Garrus knew he wasn't seeing him or Lawson. Shepard was seeing Akuze.

"Now the only option left to you is run, run as fast as you damn well can and hope that the others are able to keep up. I never yelled withdraw, I never yelled retreat. All I remember is yelling to run. To run as fast as you were God damn able to, and so you run, and you run, you still hear the screams, your legs are burning with exhaustion, but you keep running, and you go, and you go, until you can't run anymore. Then when you look around, you're alone, your unit is gone, and so are Threshers. I was picked up a week later, when I asked about other survivors, they told me I was the only survivor."

Shepard then turned to Lawson as though seeing her for the first time. "Alliance command was wrong." Shepard continued pausing to take a long drink from his bottle, "But Cerberus already knew that. They were already helping humanity by kidnapping the only other survivor, and subjecting him to inhuman experimentation. You know the kind of experimentation that has someone pumping Maw venom into your veins."

Garrus kept silent. He didn't know what to think, he didn't think that he had ever seen Shepard this angry, this upset. It unnerved him. Then it struck, he had seen Shepard this angry before. After the mission on Ontarom, was this what he had found out on that planet. Was this what Williams had warned him against asking?

Shepard put the bottle down, as he dug for another cigarette. There was a click of a Zippo, and sound of flint striking metal, and the stink of smoke.

He took a drag, it seemed to visibly calm him as Garrus and Lawson waited for him to continue. The silence was unbearable, and oppressive.

Finally, after taking another drag Shepard continued. "Was Ash right about everything? No. Was she right to call me a traitor? Yes. Because for the sake of the galaxy I have to accept help from the people who killed my unit, and who tortured one of my men. That is why Lawson I want you to know, that soon as this mission is done, I'm going to kill every Cerberus member that I can get my hands on. Good night."

With that said Shepard snuffed out his cigarette, picked up his gun, and turned to walk to the elevator. Garrus however reached out an arm and stopped him.

"Shepard, why did you have that down here with you?" He asked with a meaningful glance at the gun.

Shepard looked down at it. Then looked back up at the former C-Sec officer, and shrugged. "I was actually thinking about using it on myself. But decided not to. I got a galaxy to save first."

"Shepard..." Garrus couldn't think of anything to say.

The Commander just chuckled, as he pushed past Garrus. "Don't worry Garrus. That's just the booze talking. I was already pretty drunk before I even thought about."

With Shepard gone the room once again fell into silence. Lawson hadn't moved since Shepard had turned on her, since he had verbally ripped apart everything she believed and stood for. Garrus knew that though her faith in Cerberus may have been shaken, she would still stand for their goals. That the ends would justify the means.

A minute later, Lawson had broken out of her stupor, and moved to investigate the data pad that Shepard, in his drunken state had forgotten about. Picking it up, Lawson quickly scanned it, and nodded to herself.

"Well?" Garrus asked, "what is it? What does it say?"

"Its a copy of a message he received today. From someone named Toombs. Do you know who that is?"

Garrus shook his head. "No, sorry. What does the message say?"

Lawson tossed the pad over to him. Garrus caught it and began to read.

_From: Toombs_

_What the hell kind of game are you playing, Shepard? You did the buddy act when I had the gun on that Cerberus scientist, telling me you understood. Now I find out that you're working for Cerberus?_

_Tests were done on me that you can't even imagine. For years. Cerberus did them. They tortured me. They used me as a damn lab rat. And now you're teaming up with them like they're any other merc band?_

_I've got my own merc team now, Shepard. And I kill any Cerberus team I can find. If I run into you, don't expect any different._

Garrus nodded in understanding. "I see that's what has Shepard so bent out of shape. Not only has been accused of being a traitor by Williams today, but also by the only other soldier to live Akuze."

He looked over to Lawson. "So what should we do?"

Lawson shrugged. "Do what we planned to do. Rescue the colonist, kill the Collectors, and beat back the Reapers. And hope that Shepard is able to move past this."

* * *

The biggest thing that bothers me about ME 2 is the fact that you are working with Cerberus. In the two games, there are several missions, and dossiers in which you find out how bad, these assholes are, i.e. assassinating several politicians and a freakin' Pope, turning a human colony into husks, luring Alliance marines to thresher maws nest then torturing and experimenting on the only other survivor, torturing the autistic David, which the Illusive Man continues to allow, ect.

This also piss is me off because Bioware in their wisdom gives you the Sole Survivor background, which is my favourite background play as. Yet you end up working for Cerberus who ended up killing your entire unit, and nothing other then an Email is ever mentioned on it. This has bothering me for quite a while so I decided to write something about it.

I'm also addressing the Horizon which I felt was actually quite justified from Ash/Kaiden's point of view, as they have several valid points. (NOTICE HOW I SAID VALID NOT RIGHT!)

So read and enjoy. Or not, just don't flame.


End file.
